While listening halfway to her pouring complaints on some issues, u thought u wanted to help so u started to offer some solutions…. but… then suddenly… she exploded, “Honey! You are NOT listening!”
OMG… u must be puzzling, what did I do wrong again?? What I’m not listening?? Weren’t I here already been listening to her for more than an hour!???
Then make u got so frustrated… O Sh*t!, deem I’d better be more apathetic and keep my mouth shut!… O gosh…what exactly went wrong manz???
Can you relate this, guys?
Why is it that your problem-solving tactics just didn’t work?
Then, what does she actually mean when she says she just wants u to listen, anyway?
I also can’t stand guys offering solutions. Machiam like they so smart & thinkin we so stupid lor
ReplyDeleteMe prefer my bf to jus listen & keep his mouth shut! He should NOT blame me for not feelin better from his solutions. How can I feel better when solutions r NOT wat I need, right?
ReplyDeleteI think this goes back to the differences btw guys and gals. To me, gals r communicators and guys r problem solvers (my own opinion). So when a gal ask u to listen, it really means that she just want u to listen to her & u do not have to provide any solution to it.. they just need someone to be able to feel & relate to how they are feeling, that's all.
ReplyDeleteAs for guys, when we r having problems, we want ppl to listen and gives solution so that we can solve it better.
for merely pouring complaints, i guess we can just listen and do some pampering.(full stop)
ReplyDeletebut some girls will want their guys to say something, that is the difficult part when there is a real issue behind. we must feel the listening, offering solutions is a no-no. what else to say is the real art here... surely we dont want to evolve into an arguement (then the guy will say 'what the hell you really want me to do', the lady will reply 'what i need is a real man who knows what to do').
I agree with edward. Most times you girls always so ridiculous, complain to us then ask for our opinion and if we say something wrong, we get the blame. Don't talk also wrong, talk also wrong!!
ReplyDeleteGurfield, u hit the point. Generally, when we girls share an emotional problem, what we are feeling about the problem is actually more important to us than the problem itself. In other words, what we are feeling is actually the “REAL problem”.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, instead of offering solutions or filtering out emotions to focus on the problem, u guys should learn to filter out the problem in order to FOCUS ON OUR FEELINGS. Normally, it’s only after u have acknowledged the feelings will we want to focus on the solution.
Edward & above Anonymous…. yes some girls will want their guys to say something. Just remember few points, u don’t have to agree to understand her point of view or to feel appreciated as her good listener. If u find that u don’t understand her point of view to succeed in being a good listener, just let her know u don’t understand but want to. And if u wish to express a differing point of view, make sure that she is finished & then REPHRASE her point of view before giving your own & remember never to raise your voice.
Keep in mind that discussions and negotiations do not always make sense right away, but they are always valid & need understanding. Also, often anger & frustration occur from not knowing what to do to make things better. Aware that even if she does not immediately feel better, your mere listening and understanding are helping.
Resist the urge to offer any solution and best NOT to voice any comment (esp. do NOT tell her to relax! It can get quite infuriating to hear u tell her “relax” when she’s in a lousy protesting mood), it should be u who ought to just relax and listen.
Generally for a girl, if she feels her bf can listen to her feelings without getting angry but with empathy, that’s a million gratifications & thumbs up. He makes it comfortable for her to express herself and enjoy communication with him. The more she’s able to express herself, the more she feels heard and understood, and certainly the more she’ll automatically want to give her guy the loving trust, appreciation, and acceptance that he needs;)
soooooo much agree with ur above views manz, jojo:)
ReplyDeletejojo, you sound like a teacher (or a mother) when explaining to us. that is not attractive ok, pretty girl.
ReplyDeletehmm... SHUT...UP!
ReplyDeleteLOL
ReplyDelete